My young brothers, I have some very important things to discuss with you. However, first let me say how sorry I am that you experienced the ordeal of the rape, molestation and victimization. It is illegal, criminal and never should have happened. I am sorry that you were not protected by those you trusted and allowed to grow through your childhood, with the reassurance that adults, protect, provide and care for children, not sexually assault them. I am sorry that you live in a world, where there has been a historical raping of the oppressed, innocent, and underprivileged and where this pain of the poor is ignored.
The effects of the sexual victimization on your spiritual, physical and emotional health will be inestimable. However, it is the emotional and spiritual impact that can be the most devastating and therefore, extremely painful and difficult to resolve.
Emotional impact includes:
• Blaming oneself, having shame, feeling like you can never be clean. We called this false guilt. Throughout your recovery, you may be confronted with thinking that you were responsible in some way for having been molested. I want to caution you because these feelings while common, are not true.
• Because like many other children who are sexually abused, your sexual victimization involved a person (s) you know. This will have a significant impact on your ability to trust. You may go through episodes in your life when you feel that you will never be able to trust again. Ultimately, this may become something that you believe. This belief will not only hamper your development of friendships, but most likely and more importantly will adversely affect your relationship with God. This is critical because it is God, whom you should be able to trust the most.
Spiritual Impact includes:
• Anger at God, why did He allow this to happen? This is one of the most difficult phases of recovery to overcome. Let me assure you that even though the Bible does not particularly address child sexual maltreatment, it is crystal clear how He feels about His children. According to the word of God, Jesus had tough words for anyone who would cause a child to fall into sin, “But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” (Matt. 18:6-7). This includes sexual victimization.
Believe me, God understands what you experienced, and he aches for you. I encourage you to have complete confidence in knowing that He did not cause your victimization.
• Forgiving yourself and others will be your most difficult challenge. Some of your family and friends will argue that the abuser (s) has no right to be forgiven; that they must earn it by saying that they are sorry or paying for the pain they have caused. While this emotional response maybe understood, it is not biblical. It is very natural to seek to protect oneself from the experience of victimization. We do not deliberately move to extend grace, mercy and understanding. Forgiveness has to be learned, and it flows best, when it is freely given (Col. 3:13).
• Additionally, with the intensified anger and hatred you may feel towards yourself and others, you may also have difficulty forgiving yourself. Learning to forgive is the most crucial and critical part of your recovery. For without, learning to forgive, true healing can never really take place. Anger that does not lead to the path of forgiveness becomes self-destructive and unhealthy.
In closing, I want you to know that you have my support. While the effect of childhood victimization is immeasurable and difficult to overcome; while you may struggle with a diverse array of emotions, including pain, anger, bitterness and hatred; while there will be times when you wonder whether others will accept you, especially after those close to you find out about the abuse, there is hope. There is hope even though the process of recovery will be agonizing.
I believe you and I am sorry for your pain.
For more information about Dr. Tracy Scott please visit www.soulfeed.org
