Stress and African Americans: A Daily Devotion

By Dr. Tracy Scott

 

A little knowledge about stress and its effect on health benefits everyone.  It is estimated by the American Institute of Stress, that 75% to 90% of all doctor’s visits are caused by reactions to stress.

 

Stress poses a profound difficulty for everyone.  But more black men die from heart attacks associated with stress than any other ethnic group in the United States.

 

• 50% of African Americans who suffer from the “blues” or depression do not seek help
• 88% of women and 69% of men will get headaches and stress is the number one cause
• Stress is the number one health problem facing African Americans.  35% of African American men compared to 25% of other ethnic groups are affected by hypertension (high blood pressure)
• 1 out of every 9 women who seek care in the emergency rooms is there because of injuries resulting from domestic violence.  There is evidence to support that neighborhood crime is rooted in unhealthy stress
• Stoke is identified as being 67% higher in African American men than other ethnic groups and 88% more blacks are more likely to die from a stroke than whites

 

The everyday struggle of dealing with prejudice also contributes to the high and potentially deadly levels of stress in the African American community.  With the challenges of poverty, discrimination, injustice, poor choices, etc., the quality of life for African Americans both male and female encourages an ongoing and constant schizophrenic mind set of anger and assimilation that many experts believe is a primary reason for the increased death rates among the African Americans.

 

Suggested Stress Checklist for African Americans

 

• Being out of work for a month or longer

 

• Having a serious illness or accident

 

• Not having enough money for food, clothing, housing, or other necessities of life

 

• Being concerned with getting credit

 

• Having a problem with getting things repaired around the house

 

• Having a check arrive late or lost in the mail

 

• Having something stolen or having the house or car broken into

 

• Having a violent argument with a friend or relative

 

• Having some other kind of trouble with family members

 

• Being concerned about living in an unsafe area

 

• Living with racism  (Patrick Romano, 1990)

 

 

Daily Devotion

 

Sunday: Read and meditate on Matthew 11:28

 

Monday: Learn to realize that all stress is not bad.  Read John 16: 19-28 and Isaiah 55:1-3

 

Tuesday: Strive to be patient with yourself.  Read Romans 12:12 and II Timothy

 

Wednesday: Change your faulty beliefs.  Read Matthew 6: 25-34.  Remember 40% of the

                     things people worry about never happen

 

Thursday: Learn to relax.  Read Psalms 23&123 and Hebrews 4:4 over and over again

                  while listening to Christian/Gospel music at least 15-20 minutes a day

 

Friday: Take a grace inventory.  Remind yourself of what God has done in your life. 

              Read Philippians 1:6, 4:4; 4:6 and 4:19

 

Saturday: Develop a sense of humor.  Learn to control what you can and what you cannot.  Read Proverbs 31:25; Psalms 37:13 and II Corinthians 7:4

 

 

For more information about Healthy Living Seminars, visit us on the web at www.healthylivingseminars.org or call us 1-888-805-6616

 

 

By Dr. Tracy Scott

“Unfortunately the legacy that we’ve inherited is not encouraging.  Had the church wholeheartedly embraced Paul’s teaching, it would not have kept its tragic silence or participated in some of the great evils of the past two thousand years.  In fact, many of them probably could have been avoided, or at least resisted, had Christians paid careful attention to Romans 9-11.” (Author Unknown)

 

            As I awoke one evening to go to work, I found myself unusually frustrated by the conflicts challenging the hard-working people I encountered.  Many struggled to maintain decent lifestyles while simultaneously aspiring for success.  Others fought against obstacles which threatened their very existence.  These people, who seemed stalked by an invisible fiend, lived like pariahs in a life they seemed to be at odds with.  I arrived at work and had not conversed for more than a minute with my co-workers before I received a page from the emergency room.  I was wanted in the ER.

 

            Upon arriving in the ER, I was asked to see to a patient in room 3.  “Her family is in the lobby, registering her right now.  Just make your way to the room…her mother should be here shortly.”  I made my way through a crowd of police officers to room 3 and stopped at the closed door.  Instinctively, I tensed and grasped the cold doorknob.  What now? I thought to myself.  Who has done what to whom?  I suddenly felt ashamed for this assumption as a chill caused me to push roughly against the door.  The room glowed dully with florescent lighting and fell harshly on a small figure curled up on the hospital bed.  A woman was lying on her side, sobbing hysterically.  She was African-American and looked in her mid-twenties, and she seemed to be unaware of the staff busily removing her clothing (safety precaution).  I was both stunned and convicted. 

           

      “What happened?” I asked.  A police officer who had walked in behind me answered. 

           

     “We found her locked in her room.  There was a noose around her neck and the end of the rope was attached to her closet door.”  The police officer stopped by the bed and looked at the woman who was shaking convulsively.  “She wanted to kill herself.”  I stood where I was until the room cleared, and then slowly approached the bed where the woman lay, still sobbing.  She didn’t seem to notice me, and if she did she made no hint of it.

           

     “What happened?” I asked.  My voice was soft and reverberated gently off the hospital walls.  The woman’s gaze shifted from the tear-soaked pillow and her eyes locked into mine.  They were deep and bloodshot, and seemed to extend down into her soul; portholes that gushed from the pit of her mysterious grief.  They were surprisingly strong, but shaded by an opaque veil of sadness that clouded their natural glow. 

           

      “Everything is coming down on me.  Everything is going wrong.”  She seemed to choke on her words as her suppressed sobs pulsed throughout her body in an attempt to escape.  “I am under so much stress and I don’t know what else to do.”  Her eyes flooded over in smooth streams down her cheeks.  “I just want the pain to stop.  I need it to stop!” 

 

            We spent nearly 2 hours talking and processing life stress and its effect on people of color.  Throughout the discussion, I learned that she had recently graduated from a top tier school and had received her graduate degree.  As we continued to talk, the woman’s face dried and she began to smile faintly.  “You really care, don’t you?” She asked calmly, half relieved and half puzzled.  “Thanks for caring about me.”  I stood up to leave.  I was going to make arrangements to transfer her to a different hospital for special treatment.  As I closed the door to room 3 behind me, I shook my head. 

            “Man,” I thought, “All she wanted was for someone to care.” 

 

The Challenge:

 

• Most African-Americans believe that suicide is a problem that concerns only white Americans, but between 1980 and 1995 suicide rates have increased 214% among African-American males between the ages of 15 and 24.  Suicide rates among African-American females have increased 93%.  These suicide rates are currently double. 

 

• In 1998, suicide has claimed the lives of more young adults than the cumulative deaths resulting from diseases such as AIDS, cancer, heart disease, pneumonia, birth defects, strokes, influenza, and chronic lung disease. 

 

• In 1968, The Temptations released a hit song called I Wish It Would Rain.  The songwriter, Roger Pittersbee, committed suicide shortly after discovering that his wife was having an affair.  Listen to the song.

 

Causes:

 

• As a result of chronic challenges in society, families (particularly youth) are currently suffering more than ever.

 

• “When the Constitution was written, a strange formula to determine taxes and representation declared that the Negro was 60% of a person.  Today, another curious formula seems to declare that he is 50% of a person.  Of the good things in life, he has approximately ½ those of whites; of the bad, he has twice those of the whites.  Negroes have half the income of whites…There are twice as many unemployed.”  -King, 1967.

 

• Approximately 40 years after the beginning of the Civil Rights Movement, black youth are growing up unqualified for gainful employment, even as slaves.  Resulting is a state of civil war with children in violent revolts against the failing secular and religious leadership within the black and white communities. 

 

What Is Killing African-Americans?

 

• Over ¼ of African-American families live in poverty, and many more are uninsured or underinsured.  The relationship between poverty, hopelessness, and social isolation has been clearly documented and combined; these factors encourage the use of drugs, guns, and suicide which serve as coping mechanisms. 

 

• African-American men may cope with stress by heading in the opposite direction.  “They’re more likely to opt out of stressful situations because they feel unable to ‘be a man’ in socially accepted ways, like having a good job or owning a nice home.”  -William Lawson

 

• The average African-American college graduate will earn $500,000 less in his or her lifetime than an average white college graduate.  African-American high school graduates working full-time from age 25 to 64 will earn $300,000 less on average.  Many African-Americans are not just cash poor…they are wealth poor.

 

• “Consider the dimensions of this failure.  A black boy has a 1-in-3,700 chance of getting a Ph.D. in mathematics, engineering, or physical sciences; a 1-in-766 chance of becoming a lawyer; a 1-in-195 chance of becoming a teacher.  But his chances are 1-in-2 of never attending college, even if he graduates from high school; 1-in-20 of being imprisoned while in his 20s.  Only the details are different for his sister.”  -Eugene Rivers

 

• Faulty Messages: “When you think the problems are personal, you tend to think that the solutions are the same.  If only the poor were willing to work harder, act better, get educated, stay out of jail and parent more effectively, their problems would go away.  It’s hard to argue with any of these things in the abstract; in principle such suggestions sound just fine.  But one could do all of these things and still be in bad shape at home, work, or school.”  -Michael Eric Dyson

 

     She just wanted someone to care about her.  Helping people personally is essential.  But, as Dr. Martin Luther King stated, “Compassion for the victim along the Jericho road is never enough; we must transform the Jericho road.” With the challenges that we currently face, such transformation is more urgent now than ever.  We all have a role to play. 

 

For more information about this article and other resources offered by Dr. Tracy Scott, please visit us on the web at www.healthylivingseminars.org

 

Daniel 1:8-21; 6:1-10

Today, like during the lifetime of Daniel, children, especially teenagers 

are challenged by our society and the world to live lives with diminished 

principle and integrity.  Daniel withstood those pressures by being led by purpose 

rather than by the influence of others.

 

Six Tips For A Healthy Relationship

With Your Teenager

By Dr. Tracy Scott

 

1.                  Provide a loving and happy home life with a sound marriage bond.  Teenager’s emotional security is heavily linked and dependent upon the marital bond.

2.                  Love your teenager without conditions.  Never, never encourage your teenagers to believe that your love for them is tied to their success.  This will build resentment.  Only by demonstrating unconditional love can problems such as anger, self hatred and insecurity be decreased and or prevented.

3.                  Give your teenager a “real” sacrifice called attention.  Providing “real attention” requires time and sacrifice, especially when you least feel like giving it.  Help your teenager to feel that he/she is the priority.  Ask yourself, where do your teenager fit into the things you value most?  What are your, priorities?

4.                  Provide your teenager with physical affection (hugs).  Look for opportunities to provide physical emotional nurturance without making your teenager uncomfortable.  Remember, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth”-Virginia Satir

5.                  Protect you teenager by shepherding his/her heart.  You can’t assume that the places your teenager goes, the people the hang around with or the activities they are involved in are wholesome.  Don’t be afraid to check up on them.  Call other parents, visit and involve yourself in your teenager’s life.  Your teenager will appreciate that you cared enough to find out what was going on.

6.                  Learn to set limits.  But be fair!  Taking away your teenager’s cell phone for the year because he ran up a $500.00 phone bill, is cruel, mean-spirited and will lead to provoking anger within your teenager.  The measure of discipline enforced, should be directly related to the disobedience committed.  Don’t be afraid to parent, but know that you can stand your ground, while building a meaningful relationship.

 

For more information about family life challenges, visit us on the web at http://www.healthylivingseminars.org.  There you will find additional resources that will benefit you and your family.  Or call us 1-888-805-6616.

 

by Steve Arterburn

1. First, you must acknowledge the addiction exists. Many who are caught in the trap of addiction will adamantly deny the problem. He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion. – Proverbs 28:13

2. You must recognize that what you are doing is wrong. Addicts find a way to justify their problem in their mind. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. – I John 2:16

3. You must not blame others – “If my wife/husband were just more affectionate.” … “If women/men were not so seductive.” Adam blamed Eve and she blamed the serpent. Instead, you must begin to take responsibility for your actions.

4. Make yourself accountable to a spiritual authority, perhaps a pastor or mature believer. Everybody needs a “safe” person to share their struggles with. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. – James 5:16

5. You must recognize that “will power” is not the answer. At a weak moment, your “will” may fail you. By admitting that you are in need of God’s help, you open access to His supernatural intervention in your life. You must yield your will to God’s will. That’s when He can begin a new work in your life.

6. Study the Word of God concerning sexual purity. Therefore putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the Word implanted, which is able to save your souls. – James 1:21

7. You must destroy any pornography in your possession. You can’t wean yourself off pornography. Think of the hidden pornography in your home as a ticking time bomb that will ultimately destroy your family.

8. You must learn to flee temptation. Self-deception may enter when you think you can play with fire without getting burned. Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it. Turn away from it and pass on. – Proverbs 4:14,15

9. Give yourself time to work through the process of recovery. More often than not, God chooses to take us through a learning and growing process, that can be very painful. Victory over addiction should be viewed as a marathon, not a sprint.

10. It’s cliché, but you must approach your addiction one day at a time. Look for little victories and rejoice in the progress you’re making. Recovery is a cinch by the inch, but a trial by the mile.

If you are a pastor, church leader, ministry or organization and would like for someone to speak at your next event, contact us at www.healthylivingseminars.org.  Just go to the web site and fill out the information on the contact page and a member of our staff will contact you.

By Laura J. Brown

At some point, you might learn that a sex offender attends your church — or wants to. What will you do?

Offer support if the person is repentant? Ask the person to leave?

Allow him or her to stay unconditionally and pray nothing happens?

If you do nothing, the offender might be tempted to harm someone else in the church, traumatizing the victim and devastating your ministry. The liability exposure is enormous.

If you ask the person to leave, tough questions about the church’s position on forgiveness might follow.

And if you offer support, you’ll need to meet the offender’s needs, overcome members’ objections, and protect vulnerable people in your flock. That’s a tall order, but it can be accomplished in many cases with careful thought and preparation.

Not In My Ministry!If you think this scenario could never happen at your church, think again. Across the country, convicted sex offenders are being released from prison into communities like yours. You can’t tell who they are by looking at them. Most offenders are men, but some are women. In fact, a few convicted sex offenders are former ministry or community leaders.

People who’ve fallen into this type of sin are predisposed to do it again, even after receiving treatment. Studies indicate that sex offenders need both treatment and continuing support from others to help them to manage the thoughts, feelings and situations that led them to commit sex crimes in the past.

More than half a million people in America are listed on sex offender registries. Being placed on a registry can cause offenders to be shunned at every turn, like modern-day lepers. Recovering sex offenders might find it difficult to find acceptance anywhere outside of a church.

It’s only a matter of time before a sex offender seeks help from your ministry. What should you do?

Be PreparedThe best time to decide how you’ll handle an issue like this is to develop a church policy before it happens — one that outlines how much, if any, participation you’ll allow registered sex offenders to have. Having such a policy might help church members understand the extent and nature of the protections in place. That should help minimize emotional, fear-driven reactions to learning a sex offender is involved with the church, if the situation arises.

If your church decides to allow repentant sex offenders to participate in any aspect of your ministry, you’ll want to adopt strategies to carefully manage the situation. Protection of your congregation, its young people and other vulnerable individuals, like the disabled, should top your list of considerations.

Ideally, registered sex offenders would meet with church leaders and the pastor beforehand to request permission to attend. This doesn’t always happen. An offender might attend for years before a member discovers the person’s background. In any case, churches with an existing policy will be in a much better position than those forced to deal with the situation on the spot.

Educate YourselfNot all sex offenders are the same. The term “sex offender” covers a wide range of individuals, from the teenager convicted of having sex with his underage girlfriend to the pedophile who molested dozens of young children. Each type of offender presents a different level of risk for committing new offenses. For example, the teenager described above is less likely to commit a new sex offense than the child molester.

Research local laws and ordinances regarding sex offenders. Some cities bar them from living within a certain number of feet of churches, playgrounds and other places where children gather. Others prohibit sex offenders from being any where children congregate.

In addition, it’s a good idea to consult with legal counsel before beginning to work with sex offenders. Your attorney can help you review your policies and ensure they provide adequate protection for your church.

Develop ProceduresIf you decide to allow sex offenders to attend your church, it’s important to develop a set of procedures that offer accountability for them and protection for all members, especially children and people with disabilities.

These procedures will restrict sex offenders’ participation in church life, but those who are truly repentant and who recognize the effect of their crimes should understand and accept the need for limitations.

To help you develop these policies, churches that decide to minister to sex offenders should consider the following general recommendations:

Develop a covenant with the offender.Before allowing offenders to participate in church services, ask them to commit to a covenant designed to help them avoid situations that provide opportunities for further offense.

The covenant should clearly state the amount of participation your church will permit. Typically, it requires that the offender avoid all contact with children on church property or at church-sponsored activities. If your church has a nursery or an area for children’s ministry, the offender should never be allowed there for any reason.

The covenant also should include permission to convey information about the offender’s conviction to others in the congregation if you believe it’s necessary. It should also include any other stipulations you require, such as ongoing counseling with church leaders or an outside therapist.

The covenant should emphatically state that if the offender violates any of its provisions, he or she will no longer be allowed to attend your church. In addition, the covenant should note that offenders can be denied all access to church property if they disagree with or fail to comply with the terms of the covenant.

Assign an accountability partner.To shield the offender from temptation and ensure he or she has no chance to commit further crimes while at church, the contract also should appoint an accountability partner. This person is generally a church leader or an individual who has been screened in advance.

The accountability partner and the offender should always stay within sight of each other when at church. To avoid burnout, you might consider asking several people to rotate this responsibility. However, be careful to avoid miscommunication that leaves an offender unsupervised. (“I thought it was Bill’s turn this week!”) 

Consider ongoing counseling. To ensure the sex offender receives appropriate guidance, and to help your church assess potential risks, you might want to establish regular counseling sessions between the offender and the pastor or other church leaders. The covenant also could specify meetings with an outside counselor, with regular progress reports submitted in writing to an appointed church leader or pastor.

Communicate with church members.As early as possible, you’ll need to decide who in your church needs to know that a particular person has a history of sex offenses, from a handful of people to the entire congregation. Church leaders — including the pastor, elders and children or youth ministers — should be told that such a person is participating in church activities. They also should know that the offender has agreed to a covenant with the church that sets limitations on participation, establishes accountability partner oversight, and precludes any contact with children, young people or people with disabilities.

As you discuss the presence of sex offenders with others, you should limit any communication to factual statements. They should be considerate and circumspect, not slandering or defaming offenders. Also take care to avoid speculation about what might have happened in the past or could happen in the future. Be aware that church members who weren’t originally informed of this decision might eventually learn of it. Know in advance what you’re going to say to them.

However you communicate with anyone in your ministry, you should do so in consultation with appropriate legal counsel. Victims, especially, have a right to privacy that you’re legally bound to respect. Your attorney can help you work through the specific legal requirements of your state.

Restrict contact with children.Your church should already have a policy in place that requires a criminal background screen for all persons working with children and youth ministries. The policy should make clear that any person with a history of sex offenses isn’t allowed to work with teens or children in the congregation or socialize with them at any time. Don’t do it alone.It’s usually beyond the scope and experience of any church to single-handedly assess the risk that a sex offender will re-offend. You’ll gain experienced resources by collaborating with the various community agencies and staff involved with helping offenders re-enter the community. These might be probation officers, social workers, psychologists, counselors and police officers.

Early in your conversations with sex offenders, ask for permission to call probation officers, counselors and others assigned to work with them. These professionals generally welcome a church’s involvement, and they can be an invaluable resource as you work with offenders.

Further, meeting with other support people, with the permission of the sex offender, can provide a strong demonstration of your church’s desire to support offenders, yet hold them accountable.

Assess each situation individually.Everyone’s situation will be different. Some offenders are truly repentant, and the church can play an important role in encouraging their faith commitment as they work to conquer old behaviors and urges. Other offenders, unfortunately, might still be seeking opportunities to approach children or other potentially vulnerable people.

Whatever guidelines you establish, make sure you can customize your approach to address individual situations. As your pastor and church leaders meet with individual sex offenders and work with their probation officers, social workers and local police, they’ll get a better sense of whether or not they should allow the offender to participate, and to what extent.

Churches can play a substantial role in helping sex offenders return to society and rebuild their lives. As offenders try to rebuild their lives, restore their relationships and overcome old behaviors, they can receive much-needed support and deepen their faith commitment by participating in faith communities.

Laura J. Brown is a writer and communications specialist with Brotherhood Mutual Insurance Co., one of the nation’s leading insurers of churches and related ministries. The company custom designs property and liability insurance to help ministries run safely and effectively. To discover free resources that can help protect your ministry, visit www.brotherhoodmutual.com. 

by Dr. Tracy Scott

“If Jesus lived in Orange County today, he’d be caring for the sick – just like 2,000 years ago. AIDS is our opportunity to serve the hurting like Jesus did, to show God’s love to skeptics, and to share the Good News here and around the world”. (Saddleback Church)  

Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) is a disease that is killing a lot of people but, especially African-American people .  AIDS was first reported in the United States in 1981.  More than 500,000 cases of AIDS have been reported in the United States since that time, and as many as 900,000 Americans may be infected with Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). Currently, 40,000 new cases of AIDS are diagnosed annually. 

As of January 2006, the Joint United Nations Program on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS) and the World Health Organization (WHO) estimate that AIDS has killed more than 25 million people since it was first recognized on December 1, 1981, making it one of the most destructive pandemics in recorded history.  The spread of the virus is growing fastest among African Americans. 

What is HIV/AIDS 

AIDS is caused by HIV.  HIV causes AIDS by killing the T-cells or by interfering with their normal function and by triggering other events that weaken a person’s immune function.  Now the T-cells (a type of white blood cell) are important to your body because they are the killer cells that fight other cells that are trying to destroy the body. 

For instance, if your body is attacked with the flu, it is the T-cells that fight those virus flu cells to help heal the body. They may well be the most important cells, surely they are the baddest cells in the body.   But when HIV comes in, they look for the T-cells in order to take them out, destroy or kill them.  If they can’t kill them, they cripple the T-cells and make them helpless; therefore allowing the HIV virus to replicate itself.   In other words, by killing the T-cells, HIV progressively destroys the body’s ability to fight infection and diseases. 

Once the T-cell count is less than 200cell/mm the person is diagnosed with AIDS.  There is no cure for HIV or AIDS. 

How is HIV Transmitted 

Most commonly HIV is spread by sexual contact with an infected partner.  The virus can enter the body through the lining of the vagina, anus, penis or mouth. 

HIV is also spread through contact with infected blood.  Before the screening of blood for evidence of HIV infection, HIV was transmitted through blood transfusion.  Some of you may know that this is how Arthur Ashe (one of the greatest tennis players and humanitarian ever) died.  Today the risk is small for getting HIV through blood transfusion, but not out of the question. 

HIV frequently is spread among injection drug users by the sharing of needles or syringes contaminated with small amounts of blood from someone infected with the virus. 

Women can transmit HIV to their unborn babies during pregnancy or birth.  HIV can also be spread to babies through the breast milk of mothers infected with the virus.  To date evidence does not show that HIV can be spread to others through, sweat, or tears, but caution should be taken.  But open mouth kissing is another issue.    The Center for Disease Control (CDC) and The American Red Cross states that:  

“Prolonged open-mouth kissing could damage the mouth or lips. This may allow HIV to spread from a person with HIV to a partner through cuts, sores or mucus membranes in the mouth. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends against open-mouth kissing with a partner who has HIV because there could be a risk of blood contact. In 1997, the CDC reported a case of HIV transmission likely caused by open-mouth kissing between a man with HIV and his woman partner. After much study, researchers concluded that blood in the man’s saliva most likely infected the mucus membranes in the woman’s mouth. Both had gum disease that caused the gums to bleed easily, and the couple had consistently used condoms”. (CDC, 2007)  

It’s important to heed caution because if there are cuts, abrasions or injuries to the body where infected fluid can enter (cuts in the mouth, on the face), the virus can be transmitted. Also studies of families of HIV-infected people have shown clearly that HIV is not spread through casual contact, such as the sharing of food utensils, towels, bedding, swimming pools, telephones or toilet seats.  But use wisdom. 

HIV/AIDS and African Americans 

Many African Americans are at high risk for HIV infection, not because of our ethnicity or race, but because of the risk we take with our behaviors and our beliefs.  There are at least four misconceptions that encourage poor judgment and leads African-Americans to be at high risk for HIV/AIDS: 

We struggle with abstaining from sex outside of marriage (a problem for all not just African-Americans)

We believe that the condom will protect us from HIV/AIDS.  Condoms break all the time, come off or are not put on correctly.  There may even be some evidence to suggest that the virus may pass through the membrane of some condoms

We believe that by having sex with someone who may have an undetectable status for HIV (no symptoms, but still tests positive), that the risk of being infected with the virus is diminished

We believe that if an infected person is taking his/her medications, that the medications will prevent them from transmitting the virus   

The National Center for Health Statistics, indicates that HIV/AIDS is one of the top 10 leading causes of death for African Americans with 51 percent of HIV/AIDS cases diagnosed during 2001–2004  among African-Americans.   

Of new infections among women in the United States, CDC estimates that approximately 75 percent of women were infected through heterosexual sex and 25 percent through injection drug use. Of newly infected women, approximately 64 percent are African-American. 

Additionally, among African-American males and females, case rates were 7 and 21 times higher, respectively, than rates for whites. Among HIV/AIDS cases reported during 2001–2004, the most common route of HIV infection was attributed to male-to-male sexual contact (men who have sex with men [MSM]) (44%), followed by heterosexual contact (34%), injection-drug use (IDU) (17%), MSM/IDU (4%), and perinatal (0.6%). (Center for Disease Control) For black men, the most common ways of getting HIV involves having unprotected sex with another man who has HIV and for black women, the most common ways of getting HIV involves having unprotected sex with a man who has HIV.   

Living on the “Down Low” (Secret Lover) 

Living on the “down low” involves husbands and boyfriends who are having secret sex with other men.  It’s one of the major reasons why so many women who are married and not gay are getting AIDS. 

“A man living on the “down-low” has been another cause of many women becoming infected with HIV. There have been many cases where a man has denied the fact that he likes sleeping with men to the woman that he is involved with because he does not think he is homosexual.  Men who are living life on the “down-low” have been giving women HIV at faster rates than they are giving it to men who are also having sex with men. Many of the men who are having sex with other men do not tell anyone, not even the women they are involved with, for fear that their lifestyle will be frowned upon by the black community”. (TNJN.com) 

Church’s Response

Historically, the church has been silent regarding the AIDS initiative. “In fact, since 1981 when AIDS was first described, the personal tragedies and social failures associated with the disease appear to have been largely ignored by the church except for those strident segments that view AIDS as God’s retribution on a sinful people”. (Shelp, 1985) 

But recently, the Black faith leaders from around the country convened earlier this month to plot a legislative strategy for ending the AIDS epidemic in Black America. The remarkable meeting which drew roughly 200 participants, including not only African American clergy but also Black medical professionals and congressional members was a critical step in a clergy-led campaign to push both local and national elected officials into action. (BlackAids.org) 

While on a national level some Black Church leaders are beginning to address the issue, far too many church leaders at the local level continue to struggle and stay disconnected.  Often, Christian leaders are in need of the reminder of the words aligned with the “Hamitic” Peter in 1 Pet. 4:8 that the weak are important to God; and that we should extend mercy to them.      

Who’s at risk  

Those who use drugs, share needles or syringes

Those who are engaged in homosexual or bisexual activity

Those who stray from the marriage vows.  Remember, there are people who have HIV or AIDS out there having sexual relations with others.  Many times they (HIV/AIDS patients) engage in this criminal behavior because of anger

Those who engage in risky behaviors such as open mouth kissing or oral sex (Remember you may have a cut in your mouth or an abrasion)

Those who have sex with someone who may have an undetectable HIV status People who are involved in risky behaviors, should be tested for HIV every 3-6 months 

Early Symptoms  

Many people do not develop symptoms when they first become infected.  Some however do.  Some of the symptoms include: Flu like illness within a month or two after exposure to the virus.  They may have fevers, headaches or enlarged lymph nodes in the neck or groin.  They will usually disappear in a week or two and can be mistaken for another viral infectionMore severe symptoms may not show up for years ten or more during this time the HIV virus is killing the T-cells.  As the immune system is being destroyed, a variety of complications begin to surface.  Such as:

Lymph nodes remain large

lack of energy

weight loss

frequent fevers and sweats

persistent yeast infections

persistent skin rashes or flaky skin

frequent and severe herpes infections 

How is HIV or AIDS diagnosed 

HIV is diagnosed through a blood test.  HIV becomes AIDS as the T-cells are destroyed in large numbers and more infections are known. 

Prevention 

Leviticus 18:22 states “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination.”  The book of Leviticus is unique in that God is speaking and providing direct instructions to the African Hebrew Isralites on how to live together

Abstain from sexual intimacy outside to the marriage.  Don’t do it

When married, stay with your mate that God has given you.  Don’t stray

Abstain from drug use of any kind, but especially drug use involving needles or syringes 

Treatment 

If you are involved with drugs and risky sexual behavior you and your partner should be tested every six months. The treatment of HIV or AIDS consists of drugs that have to be taken every day for the rest of someone’s life.  These medications do not prevent transmission of HIV to others.   They can not cure HIVor AIDS, but they can stop people from becoming ill for many years. Medications include:              

antiretrovirals

anti-HIV drugs

HIV antiviral drugs  

If you are a Pastor, church leader or organization 

1. Preach on the importance of living a Godly lifestyle

2. Preach on having compassion for the weak and the afflicted

3. Develop and support outreach efforts aimed at helping those who are most in  need

4. Invite organizations like Healthy Living Seminars to come and speak to your congregation or ministry groups about HIV, AIDS and other challenges 

If you have HIV or AIDS 

Learn to handle your stress and be proactive become informed.

Educate yourself about the disease and treatments. 

You may consider combining the different forms of treatment.

Find respectful treatment and doctors

Get good support.  Start with your church.  

For more information contact 

Healthy Living Seminars 1-630-329-7504 www.healthylivingseminars.org

National AIDS Hotline 1-800-342-2437 this number is available 24hours

Black Leadership Commission on Aids 1-800-573-2522

National Aids Clearinghouse, Center for Disease Control 1-800-458-5231

For new drug treatments: 1-800-874-2572; 1-800-418-0440  

By Dr. Tracy Scott  

“I will lift up my eyes to the hills, from whence comes my help.  My help comes from the Lord who made Heaven and Earth.  He will not allow your foot to be moved, He who keep you will not slumber.  Behold, He who keep Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade at your right hand.  The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord shall preserve you from all evil.  He shall preserve your soul.  The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in.  From this time forth, and even forevermore”. (Psalms 121:1-8)

While the holidays can be a time of joy, happiness and fun with an anticipation of spending a festive time with love ones and friends; but for far too many the holidays are a great time of pain, disillusionment, depression and despair.  This is especially the case with the social challenges of injustice faced by minorites.  Every year during the holidays, close to 20-40 million Americans feel despondent or depressed, even suicidal (Matthew 26:37-38). 

Over the past 20 years of providing Christian counseling and support to those who are most in need, especially during the holiday seasons; I believe that there are at least five suggestions that I can share that will be beneficial with helping to prevent you from singing the “Holiday Blues”.  Keep in mind, depression is real and in addition to seeking out counsel with other saints, you may benefit from professional help.  Many lives have been lost, because we believe that it (depression) will just go away!  

1.  Stay focus on what the holidays are really all about.  Remember that throughout scriptures, the holidays were designed to help you never forget what God has done for you.  They should reflect gratitude towards God (Psalms 103).  Also contained in the very first holiday (Passover) in the book of Exodus, God gave very clear and ultimate instructions that its purpose was a memorial (remembrance).  Yes, God wants us to remember Him with gratitude, but He also reminds us to be concerned with those most in need (Luke 4:18).  By staying focus on the meaning of the holidays you are less likely to lose perspective and turn to commercialism, which can be a catalyst for depression and despair. 

2.  Focus on God’s grace through recognizing the spiritual aspects of the holidays. Take a grace inventory. Remind yourself of what God has done in your life. Read Philippians 1:6, 4:4, 4:6 and 4:19.    

3.  Be careful not to get caught up in the worldliness.  1 John 2:15-17 states “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.  During the holiday season if you are buying gifts, ask yourself; how do I show I care without allowing the world of advertising to manipulate my perception and thoughts?  In other words, while shopping keep this thought in mind, if you really need it and can afford it, then buy it; if you don’t really need it or can’t afford it, don’t buy it.  Remember, that during the first of the year when you are out of money, those bills will come due. 

4.  Deal appropriately with loneliness.  Loneliness is feeling isolated and estranged from people. Sometimes people feel lonely because they believe they are different from others or they believe people do not like them. But be careful not to mistake loneliness with being alone.  They are not the same thing. For example, you can be in a crowd with others and still feel lonely; whereas, you can be alone with yourself and not necessarily feel lonely.  I believe that one of the best ways to overcome loneliness is to become a servant.  As the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. stated “Everybody can be great because everybody can serve.  You don’t have to have a college degree to serve.  You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve.  You only need a heart full of grace, a soul generated by love”. 

5.  Reconcile Past or Distant Relationships.  It is important to try to live at peace with others and not to hold yourself or others to unrealistic expectations. Faulty expectations, misunderstanding and unforgiveness can cause alienation, break communication, and cause someone to feel they are being mistreated or unjustly accused. Bitterness, resentment, anger and frustration may further aggravate the situation. Unresolved anger, conflict and strife, may result in broken relationships and in some cases, will lead to psychological and physical illness.  

Remember, often times our feelings and thoughts of depression, despair, loneliness or the “blues” will begin to dissipate and lift as we, like Jesus in Gethsemane, persist in prayer.  You must verbalize your feelings honestly to God, and then trust Him to graciously work out the details of your conflict or challenge.  

For speakers on the topics such as marriage, divorce, substance abuse and many others, you reach us at www.healthylivingseminars.org. Just go to the contact page and fill out the information sheet, and we will get right back in touch with you. 

By Dr. Tracy Scott 

It’s sad but true. All of us have been affected, either directly or indirectly, by divorce. 

Recently, it was stated that: “While it may be alarming to discover that born again Christians are more likely than others to experience a divorce, that pattern has been in place for quite some time. Even more disturbing, perhaps, is that when those individuals experience a divorce many of them feel their community of faith provides rejection rather than support and healing. But the research also raises questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families. The ultimate responsibility for a marriage belongs to the husband and wife, but the high incidence of divorce within the Christian community challenges the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for marriages.” Barea Research Group

Remember God’s attitude about divorce “I hate it” (Malachi 2:16).  I pray that none of us regard divorce as a slapdash or indifferent disposition.While there are several important concepts or principals that can help prevent a Christian marriage from entering the divorce court; listed below are ten principals that I believe will be most helpful.

1.      Sincere commitment of your life to Jesus Christ. By having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ at least three important opportunities become instantly available to you:

·        A personal relationship with Jesus Christ provides you with a fundamental understanding of what’s right and wrong

·        A personal relationship with Jesus Christ provides you comfort in the time of sorrow or when feeling “the blues”

·        A personal relationship with Jesus Christ can help to steer your life around corners and guide you through the blind spots

2.      Commitment to a Christ-centered marriage. A Christ-centered marriage exhibits at least three behaviors:

·        A Christ-centered marriage demonstrates patience in the times of stress and challenge

·        A Christ-centered marriage walks with a heart of forgiveness and each spouse is able to do something for one another, that is beneficial to that spouse only

·        A Christ-centered marriage is slow to anger and responds to emotions without vindictive desires

3.      Christian marriages make a “No matter what decisions”.  A Christian marriage that strives to prevent divorce have the heart of a Daniel and demonstrates at least three behaviors:

·        A Christian marriage makes a “No matter what decision” by stating that they are willing to do what ever it will take to prevent divorce from occurring

·        A Christian marriage makes a “No matter what decision” and like Daniel demonstrates courage in the face of marital adversity and strife 

·        A Christian marriage makes a “No matter what decision” like Daniel by persevering with a “Right heart condition or response” when tempted to make an easy wrong decision about the marriage instead of a hard right decision 

4.      Christian marriages take the word “divorce” out of their vocabulary. A Christian marriage that strives to prevent divorce understands that using the word divorce in their marriage encourages them to head to the divorce court in at least three ways:

·        Christian marriages understand that “Life and death are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 10:18-21; James 3:6).

·        Christian marriages understand that as long as you talk about divorcing, it becomes an option

·        Christian marriages understand that when arguments arise, we move in the path of least resistance; therefore if we are thinking about divorcing or using the word, it becomes the path of least resistance

5.      Christian marriages that don’t divorce understands that their spouse can not meet all of their needs.  A Christ-centered marriage that moves away from divorce understands that God alone is the ultimate fulfiller of their needs in three ways:

·        Christian marriages understands that it is God who gives you security and purpose in life

·        Christian marriages understands that it is God meets your physical needs and fills your hunger for love

·        Christian marriages understands that while their childhood development may have been inadequate (real or un-real), that they cannot expect their spouse to fulfill those unmet needs

6.      Christian marriages that are not divorcing walk with a heart of forgiveness.  These marriage demonstrate forgiveness in at least three ways:

·        Christian marriages understand that forgiveness starts as a choice of the heart and an act of free-will

·        Christian marriages understand that walking in forgiveness is a daily process

·        Christian marriages walk in forgiveness and move away from strife by not personally attacking  their mate, tearing them down

7.      Christian marriages that desire to not divorce are careful not to levy personal attacks against their spouse and they understand that:

·        Christian marriages understand the importance of using wisdom when addressing their mate, especially during times of frustration

·        Christian marriages understand that attacking their mate only escalates the situation

·        Christian marriages understand that using harsh words or exaggerating the situation decreases the opportunities to resolve the conflict

8.      Christian marriages that prevent divorce from occurring in their marriages understand that their spouse is their helper and not their enemy, thus:

·        Christian marriages understand that when they speak harshly about their mate, their mate become an enemy

·        Christian marriages understand that marriage can be the closest thing to heaven (helper) or the closest thing to hell (enemy)

·        Christian marriages understand that having faulty expectations about their mate can encourage their mate to become an enemy when those expectations are not fulfilled 

9.      Christian marriages who are not divorcing understand the power of praise and prayer, especially intercessory prayer for their spouse. They understand that the definition of intercessory prayer could be stated as:

·        Christian marriages understands that it is Jesus Christ who sits at the right hand of God who makes intercession for us

·        Christian marriages understand the importance of praying on the behalf of their mate (intercessor)

·        Christian marriages understands the importance of becoming a mediator between God and their mate (intercessor)

10. Christian marriages that move away from divorce understands that counsel is beneficial especially when conflicts or convictions are challenging; therefore they:

·        Christian marriages will voluntary go for help (Gal. 2:1-2)

·        Christian marriages will seek out the assistance of professionals or those seasoned in leadership (Gal. 2: 2-9)

·        Christian marriages understand that all truth belongs to God (John 14:6) 

For speakers on the topics such as marriage, divorce, substance abuse and many others, you reach us at www.healthylivingseminars.org. Just go to the contact page and fill out the information sheet, and we will get right back in touch with you. 

“Stress that cannot be avoided may help us grow in faith and character. Romans 5:3-4, states, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady.”The stress we experience in our daily lives need not lead to internal feeling of
being “stressed out.” Philippians 4:6-7, states, “Don’t worry about anything;
instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don’t forget to thank Him
for His answers.” If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more
wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and
your hearts quiet as your rest and trust in Christ Jesus.

STRESSFUL TIMES

50 Ways to Manage Stress Effectively
by Dr. Tracy Scott

1. Get up fifteen minutes earlier. Morning mishaps are less stressful and also less
likely when you have time to spare.

2. Prepare for morning the night before. Set the breakfast table, get the coffeepot
ready to plug in, make lunches for those who take them. And check to see if the
clothes you plan to wear need pressing or mending.

3. Never wear ill-fitting clothes. If shoes pinch, panty hose creep down or a
waistband binds, even a stroll to the mailbox can be stressful.

4. Set appointments ahead. If you’re always waiting for others, tell them to meet
you ten minutes earlier than you plan to arrive. “When I give a dinner party,” one
host admitted, “I give different times to different guests, depending on whether
they’re usually prompt or chronically late.

5. Don’t rely on your memory. Write down addresses, directions and phone numbers and
take them with you to unfamiliar places. Leave notes on your mirror, refrigerator or
car door to remind you of important dates and errands.

6. Practice preventive maintenance. You’ll have fewer breakdowns of automobiles,
heaters, air conditioners, washers and other machines you depend on it they’re
cleaned and serviced regularly.

7. Make duplicates of all keys. Exchange house keys with a trusted neighbor, hide
car keys in your garage, keep extras for luggage storage closets and strongboxes in
a safe, convenient place.

8. Rearrange work hours if possible. A thirty minute change in arrival or departure
times can make a big difference in traffic, crowds and other stress producers.

9. Say “no” more often. It’s amazing how much stress can be eliminated by giving up
unrewarding activities, refusing inappropriate requests and turning down invitations
from people you don’t enjoy.

10. Never shop for clothes with critical teenagers, skinny friends or those who
look terrific in everything. We all have imperfections; why call attention to them?

11. Take advantage of off hours for banking and shopping. And shop by mail or by
phone whenever possible. Why put up with crowded stores, long lines and impatient
Clerks if you don’t have to?

12. Re-arrange mealtimes. If it’s a hassle to get dinner ready on time, try
postponing it. Your family won’t starve if they ear an hour later.

13. Feed the children separately. It’s nice to get the whole family together for
meals, but not if you have to endure spilled milk, sibling squabbles and cranky
remarks about the food. You deserve to eat in peace.

14. Keep an emergency supply of necessities such as; soap, toilet paper, toothpaste,
tampons and use them only in emergencies.

15. Walk everywhere you can. Exercise has a soothing effect, especially when it
permits you to avoid traffic jams, crowded buses and costly taxis.

16. Make copies of all important papers and keep the originals in a safe place.
Never let go of an original deed, birth certificate, will or important receipt; send
copies instead. When originals are required (such as for securities, passports,
insurance policies) send them by registered mail.

17. Anticipate your needs. Make sure you have plenty of coins for toll collectors,
electronic pass, batteries, toys, pens and pencils that will write, and panty hose
without runs. And always stop for gas before you really need it, especially at night
and on holidays.

18. Don’t put up with anything that doesn’t work properly. No one needs the
aggravation of malfunctioning alarm clocks, key rings that loose keys, radios that
buzz and squeak or appliances that smoke. “My mood improved remarkably,” one woman
told us, when I treated myself to a new purse that doesn’t pop open all the time.”

19. Make advance reservations at hotels, restaurants and theaters; reconfirm time,
location and other details before you go.

20. Allow extra time. If it usually takes thirty minutes to get to the airport,
allow an hour. It’s better to arrive well ahead of schedule than to fret over every
stoplight or traffic tie-up along the way.

Reducing Stress

21. Be prepared to wait. A long line at the post office or a delay at the dentist’s
office is almost pleasant when you have a good book with you.

22. Never arrange a meeting place that has no cell phone service. An unavoidable
delay can be a nightmare when there is no way to make contact. If it’s impossible to
meet at a place where you can receive calls, agree on an alternative communication
process you can both contact if something goes awry.

23. Find the humor in it. Every disaster has something funny about it if you look
for it. Seeking a taxi in the rain, for example, use to put us out-of-sorts. But now
we remember the passerby who told us, “New York taxis are water soluble,” and hardly
mind at all.

24. Keep a “busy kit” handy when you travel. Transportation snafus are easy to
ignore when you have an ipod, a favorite magazine or a needlework project with you.
“I learned to speak French,” one mother told us, “by listening to the information
whenever I chauffeured my three kids around.”

25. Relax your standards. Doing everything perfectly is no only unnecessary, its
boring. Life is a lot easier if you ignore a little dirt, take more shortcuts in the
kitchen and let the sheets go a few more days between launderings.

26. Get help with the jobs you hate. If you find that certain chores always make you
tense, such as paying bills, defrosting the refrigerator or scrubbing bathtubs, get
someone else to do them. Beg barter or pay for help if you have to; it’s worth it.

27. Establish a serene place of your own, even if it’s just a comfortable chair in a
quiet corner. If the sound of your teenager’s stereo, your husband’s ball game or
the neighbor’s barking dog still penetrates, wear ear plugs.

28. Change your perspective. Instead of worrying about what will happen if…, try
asking your self “so what.” So what if your mother’s birthday gift is a few days
late? So what if you can’t get your best dress dry-cleaned before the party? So
what if you actually miss your train or plane? Will it matter next week or next?
year? Even if our worst fears are realized, they often turn out to be not so bad.

29. Count your blessings. No disaster is so bad that I couldn’t be worse, and it
helps to remember that. After all, you could have burned the entire dinner instead
of just the rolls. The doctor could have kept you waiting two hours instead of only
twenty minutes. And you might have lost a thousand dollars instead of ten.

30. Keep time fillers by the telephone. You won’t mind being put on hold if you can
spend that time reading mail or writing a letter. And you’ll be more sympathetic to a
friend who “needs to talk” if you can do your mending or file your nails while you
listen.

31. Memorize scripture or poems and recite them to yourself whenever you’re forced to
stand on a crowded bus or get stuck in an elevator.

32. Keep a supply of individually wrapped candies or sugar-free gum handy. “Getting
one out, unwrapping it and popping it into your mouth,” one writer told us, “is a
welcome distraction that takes some of the tension out of bad moments.”

33. Travel light. The less you have to keep track of when you’re away from home, the
easier it is. If you never take more than you can comfortably carry onto an
airplane, you can avoid lost luggage, long waits at baggage claim counters and
frustrating searches.

34. Be prepared for rain. Don’t try to outguess the weatherman. Stock your handbag,
work place and car with rain hats, plastic rain capes, umbrellas and shoe
protectors.

35. Ask questions. You’re less likely to make mistakes or get lost if you make sure
to get detailed instructions first.

36. Take advantage of your body rhythms. If you’re at your best early in the
morning, that’s the time to schedule complicated tasks that require concentration.
If you don’t reach your peak until later in the day, start with easier things that
don’t require much thought. It doesn’t matter when your peaks and valleys come as
long as you plan accordingly.

37. Make contingency plans. A rained-out picnic, a sold-out theater or a closed
restaurant is disappointing, of course, but it won’t spoil your day if you’ve made
alternate plans “just in case.”

38. Unclutter your life. Get rid of clothes you never wear, objects that just
collect dust, furniture you hate, or activities you don’t enjoy. Anything you can do
to simplify your life helps reduce stress.

39. Avoid reliance on chemical aids. Alcohol, tranquilizers and sleeping pills may
reduce stress momentarily, but regular use increases stress in the long run.

Relieving Stress

40. Get in touch. Hold hands, stroke a pet, hug a love one, make love. Physical
contact is the best stress reliever of all.

41. Take time out to breathe deeply, stretch your muscles, nap meditate or do a few
tension relieving exercises. If you can’t arrange a brisk walk, try raising your
shoulders in a high shrug, hold ten seconds, release and repeat.

42. Find enjoyable ways to exercise. Experts agree on the benefits of aerobic
exercise, the kind that raises your heart rate and makes you breathe hard. But if
you hate to jog or jump rope, you’ll create as much stress as you relieve. Try
swimming, cycling, aerobic dancing, racquet ball or a few fast sets of tennis
instead.

43. Get it off your chest. Bottling up feelings just increases stress. If you buy
defective merchandise or receive bad service, write a letter of compliant. If a
friend lets you down, express your disappointment. If your husband hurt your
feeling, tell him. You’ll feel a lot better afterward.

44. Talk to a loving friend or relative. A sympathetic listener is always helpful.
“When I have a bad day,” one young woman said, “I always call my grandmother. To
her, I can do nothing wrong.”

45. Reward yourself after stressful activities. Stop for special lunch or snack
after shopping in crowded stores. Relax with a favorite television show or book
after cleaning the house.

46. Take leisurely baths. Showers are more efficient, but a long soak in a hot
fragrant bath is more relaxing (just unplug or turn off electrical devices), first!

47. Schedule more fun. Don’t give up seeing friends and doing things you enjoy
because you “have too much to do.” Pleasurable activities are important. And work
goes faster and produces less stress when fun comes first.

48. Take a break from children. Baby sitters are not just for emergencies or special
occasions. You also need time to yourself to listen to music, pursue a hobby or have
a heart- to heart talk with a friend. If you can’t afford to get a baby sitter,
trade child-care with another mother.

49. Have a massage. Tensions just melt away under the touch of experience fingers.
But a talented amateur, a friend for who you perform the same of equivalent favor
perhaps YOU CAN DO ALMOST AS WELL.

50. Unwind before bedtime. Do some stretching exercises to get the kinks out, then
read listen to music, do needlework or some other realizing activity. It helps you
sleep better and that’s a great stress reliever.

The Stressful Times was originally written by Dr. Raymond Mitch. Dr. Scott worked under Dr. Mitch’s supervision.

By Dr. Tracy Scott

“I remember one church leader’s wife who shared her story, once we had developed a trust relationship.  Early in their marriage when she was pregnant, her husband became enraged and hit her so hard she was knocked across the room.  He never hit her again, but all he needed to do was raise his voice or give that look to have her appease him and give in to his demands, peace at any price.”

What Is Domestic Violence
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.  This behavior may consist of but not limited to, domestic violence, partner abuse, and battering (physical, emotional, sexual, psychological abuse performed by one person against another).  The abuser and the victim are involved in or have had an intimated or romantic relationship.

What Does The Bible Say About Abuse
It’s sad but true, that for many people in today’s world and for many churches, the focus on helping  those who are living in sin is gradually eroding.  When it comes to domestic violence (sin), many people and church leaders often ignore the value of each human life and instead are single-minded on “Wives be subject to your own husbands.” (Ephesians 5:22) and not on  “Husbands love your wives” (Ephesians 5:25).  

The Bible is clear that violence is never an option to gain or maintain power or control over an intimate partner or spouse.  Psalms 140:4 states “Help me, O Lord from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from the violent man; who purposes to overthrow my life.”

Statistics on Domestic Violence
Over 4 million women each year involved in intimate relationships are victims of domestic violence.  
Within the United States alone, one out of every four women will experiecne violence by an intimate partner and one out of every six will be raped.
According to the United States Surgeon General, domestic violence causes more injury to adult women than cancer, heart attacks, strokes, car accidents, muggings or rapes.
More than 3 million children witness domestic violence, and more than 4 million women are battered to death by their husbands or boyfriends each year.
1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. Abused girls are significantly more likely to get involved in other risky behaviors. They are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide.
Seventy-four percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner(spouse, common-law spouse, ex-spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend). Of these, 96 percent were females killed by their intimate partners.
Most murder-suicides with three or more victims involved a “family annihilator” — a subcategory of intimate partner murder-suicide.Family annihilators are murderers who kill not only their wives/girlfriends and children, but often other family members as well,before killing themselves.

Domestic Violence and African-American Families
A little known secret is that African-Americans, especially women are victims of domestic violence at higher rates than Caucasians or other ethnic groups.  Recent data from the Justice Department suggest that African-American women are more than twice as likely to die at the hands of a spouse or a boyfriend.  Some of the dynamics that might encourage higher rates of domestic violence in African-American homes include, but are not limited to:
High levels of catostrophic stress
Disconnected families
Poor schools
Unemployment/underemployment
Lower earning potentials (if I leave, how will I pay the bills)
Influx of drugs and weapons within the communities
Poor conflict resolutions skills (programs, and role models scarce or nonexistent)
Inadequate vocational readiness skills
Lack of community/church support systems
African-American women have fewer options for marriage
Lack of hope for a better life
Inadequate living situations
Generational abuse (children who witness abuse)
Distrust for the medical, justice and criminal system due to historical racism
Lack of education about violence

While none of these challenges alone, may be enough to cause domestic violence, their synergistics effects will most certainly instigating African-American men to abuse and make it more difficult for African-American women to leave.  This outcome coupled with African-American women feeling that if they report the abuse, their children will end up in foster placement often leads African-American women to seek homocide as their only way out.  Homocide is the second leading cause of death for African-American women between the ages of 15-24.

Are You Being Abused
Try and answer the following questions honestly for your relationship or for someone you love.  If you answer ‘yes’ to even one of these questions, you or your loved one may be in an abusive relationship!
Embarrass you with put-downs?
Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
Control what you do, whom you see or talk to or where you go?
Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
Make all of the decisions?
Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
Prevent you from working or attending school?
Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even denies doing it?
Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
Force you to try and drop charges?
Threaten to commit suicide or Threaten to kill you?
If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of these questions,  you may be in an abusive relationship.

What Can You Do About Domestic Violence
If you are a victim of domestic violence
Call 911 for help and file a police report
Ask the police or medical personal about the Crime Victim Compensation
If connected to a church or ministry call a trusted leader for support
Never refuse medical treatment
Photograph your injuries
Call the National Domestic Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.  They can and will help you get away safely!
Don’t return.  It’s not your fault.  Domestic violence is never justified.
Seek counseling for yourself.  Learn how to live without being abused

If you are a pastor, ministry, friend or social service agency
Let it be known that you are aware of the problem
Provide information to your members
Preach about it.  The church is rampant with victims and abusers who live in secret!
Invite Healthy Living Seminars to speak to your congregation or group
      
       If you are an abuser
You abuse one time, you are an abuser!
Seek professional help.  The problem will not go away.  It will only get worse.
Domestic violence is a learned behavior with rewards and consequences
Domestic violence can never  be justified on the basis of being provoked